MY LIFE STORY
When i was in school my teacher, Mr stavely always called me "TOP GUN" the movie (of the same name) was at the time one of the biggest hollywood blockbusters and Mr stavelys favourite. I guess what it means to be "TOP GUN" is to be the best. I did well in school, sports and acedemics, I was a top student, I was a high achiever because i was an over achiever and was always trying to be "good enough". When i was just 15 i left school to start touring Australia and the rest of the world playing drums in a punk rock band, I played live on air, I got to do interviews (sometimes) and even played my hometowns (Sydney) biggest venue at the time. The superdome (now QUDOS and at the time ACER) arena was built for the 2000 Sydney olympics and holds some of the biggest sporting events and concerts still to this day.
I made some pretty cool friends, I got invites to some of the biggest more exclusive parties where i got to meet celebrities and hang out backstage with bands like, Metallica, All Time Low, P!nk, +44, The Used, New Found Glory, Angels & Airwaves, Linkin Park, Bring Me The Horizon, Houston Calls, Pierce The Veil, Sum 41, Yellowcard, and a bunch of others. Me and my friend Bryce still technically owe Slash (from Guns 'N' Roses) for racking up a jack and coke bill in his hotel, I do believe there were some very expensive Cuban cigars involved aswell..
I built two successful companies, The Guys Group Trades & Services franchises more than 10 successful businesses across Australia and those franchises provide many trades and services throughout the country. State Of Glory, originally just an entertainment website and clothing line has grown to include an online store selling high end luxury items, an art dealership and a more updated site that focuses on self growth and education.
I also promoted clubs and attended some of the most exclusive parties, I hooked up with some of the hottest girls, swimsuit models, strippers, covergirls, centrefolds, penthouse pets and i actually married a playboy girl, Berenger Rose, Hugh would be proud!
We lived in a three story million dollar waterfront mansion overlooking Brisk Bay on the New South Wales Central Coast and after we got married we moved out to an even more stunning 50 acre property with pituresque views of the mountains and our very own private jetty where we could sit and drink wine or tend to the animals. On the surface one could say that i have it all and that my life would be one in which others would want to lead, but below the surface things are very different.
Not that any of the above is untrue, It's just that behind the scenes our lives can be very different to that in which we portray, we only allow the wolrd to see our happy face and our homes when they are clean, not when they are dirty, So let's go behind the scenes of my life.
My parents split up when i was young and as a result of that trauma early on in my childhood and the way each of my parents handled the situation i developed a sense and very deeply held belief that i was "NOT GOOD ENOUGH". I was too young to understand why i couldn't go home, why my dad stopped calling and why my mum had to leave us with babysitters all the time, I was confused and didn't feel that either of them loved me and that i was flawed and "NOT GOOD ENOUGH". When my mum was around she was always upset and angry with me over something i did in order to get her attention and i started acting out in a lot of ways, i figured that attention, even if it was negative still = love, and so i was in trouble.. ALOT.
The only person in my life that i felt truly and unconditionally loved me was my grandpa John, he was the best! and because of some of the things he taught me back then i have managed to overcome a great deal of hurdles throughout my life and become the friendly, loving, kind, strong and caring person i am today, but sadly he passed away when i was about 14, I remember the day. I remember the day he passed, I was outside playing tennis in the street and my mum came out to tell me, I didn't really believe it until the day of his funeral when my nan walked up to his coffin to place a rose on it, she couldn't even make it there and collapsed in front of it with tears in her eyes, it was in that moment when i saw that look on my nan's face that i accepted, the greatest man to have ever lived was gone.
I was kicked out of school, I was kicked out of home and ended up living in my car for a while. I also became addicted to drugs, alcohol and cough mixture. My two best friends left me too, Jye went over to the states with his band to become a rockstar and Skip went and became a punk/rapper working with Snoop Dogg. My wife Berenger Rose accused me of doing a whole bunch of things i didn't do and i went to jail for six months, not because of the things she said to the media (the things she made up were quite untrue) but for a stack of other offences i had committed like, drink driving and evading police, wilful damage for breaking a phone and a window, trespassing and breaching my bail conditions specifically telling me to stay away from her, I was never actually charged with any of the things she told the media about, but i still suffered in jail because of them. Although you can still find links to articles relating to this stuff online, the original interview posted on 'A Current Affair' has been removed. The claims were wild, crazy and completely unsubstantiated.
WARNING
The following content may be difficult for some readers.
I went into jail with a broken leg after i tried to hang myself and that wasn't my last attempt at suicide either, In the watchouse i was pretty limited with ways in which to kill myself, they stripped me of my clothing and allowed me hardly niothing in my cell, I managed to cut my wrists with plastic spoons after i was fed one day, they took me to hospital and there i was able to use a juice pop straw to sever the artery in my arm, help wasn't far away and i was watched 24/7 so my attempts were all unsuccessful. When i wasn't trying to kill my self the other inmates were trying for me, after 4 days i had my broken leg re-broken, my wrist fractured, teeth missing and a few fingers broken, i couldn't use crutches anymore so i was confined to a wheelchair and i didn't walk on my own without help for six months. I was repeatedly bashed, tortured and one night my cell mate Christopher Holland (previously convicted of rape and the strangulation of his partner, in jail over the murder of his new born baby) raped me through the night with a bunch of razor blades melted into an orange colgate toothbrush. I was lucky, the gaurds told me that he was testing me, making me his bitch and would have eventually started raping me in a sexual manner.
Like that was meant to make me feel better about the situation.
I survived and here i am now, I have overcome my own thoughts of self harm and suicide, I have survived what i believe to be attempts by other people on my life, I have overcome the sickness and side effects that is depression and anxiety, I have worked through my addictions, my childhood trauma and abuse. I have lived through some really toxic relationships, I have been homeless a few times in my life and had to sleep in skate parks, park benches and even a childrens play ground.
The thing is though that ever since i was a little kid i have always believed that in some way i was "special" and maybe thats because i was "TOP GUN", and maybe thats because my life has had as many UPS as DOWNS but, even though i have lived with the belief throughout my life that i am just "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" i have also achieved some pretty amazing things in the 28 years i have been here, and i would like to help people, I believe i have a gift to share with others, the gift of knowledge and life experience. I am not a religious man and i don't believe in god but i do like to think that, in a way i am a bit like Jesus, or Ghandi, i have payed the price for other peoples sins, the sins that im going to save people from, the mistakes i may help others avoid and the help i am able to give to those that have had a tough life and share my thoughts and insights with them to help them live a healthier, happier life like i do now.