JOINING A GROUP
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FAQS
Am I a perpetrator?If you are at risk of loosing a partner, loved one or family member because of your psychological, physical and verbal abuse then you are a perpetrator. You can be forgiven for assuming that you are not a perpetrator because you have not been caught or arrested and it is even more common for those of us that are not 'physically' violent to conclude that we do not have a problem and we are not perpetrators. If you are hear, reading this now, it is because you are either a perpetrator or victim of domestic violence.
What can I do if I am worried about my violence?We would recommend you come to a meeting or atleast make contact someone at DVA and talk about your problem. There is also a range of other services available through the police and courts however, if you feel uncomfortable speaking with them then be sure to contact us.
What is Domestic Violence Anonymous?We are a group of like minded men that have experienced domestic violence from partners, have inflicted abuse on our families and have sought help in order to change. Many of us have completed community based orders, programs and courses and learnt skills around changing our behaviours and wanted to continue working on ourselves in a safe, supportive, non judgemental environment. We are all focused on achieveing a better, happier, healthier future for ourselves and others and DVA is a place for us to find support and hear from other people going through the same things and those that have overcome them and changed.
If I go to a DVA meeting, am i committed to anything?No one is making you attend, we dont keep records, and we dont even have to know your name if you dont want to share. One of our keys to success is our anonymity, if it was no longer anonymous, people would not attend, you dont want your friends, co-workers, customers or your boss knowing you attend our meetings do you? You can reveal as much about yourself as you feel comfortable in doing and no more is required. No one will be knocking on your door or calling you if you choose not to comeback.
What happens if I meet people I know?They will be there for the same reason you are. DVA is based on anonymity and does not disclose your identity to outsiders or even others inside the group. You retain as much anonymity as you wish. If you recognise someone that you know and feel uncomfortable about it, you can have a chat with them. This is something that happens sometimes and usually both parties agree to keep things quiet. Infact, most courses and programs that focus on domestic violence actually have rules that prohibit attendees from approaching others in the group or mentioning how they know one another outside of the safe space.
What happens at an DVA meeting?A DVA meeting may take place in several different ways. in each and every meeting though, you will find people talking about domestic and family violence and what it has done to their lives. You will often hear from people discussing their personal stories of abuse and how they have learned to overcome that, and how they are living their lives today.
How does going to a meeting help me with my problems?All of us in DVA know what it is like to experience violence, abuse and the stresses of life. We know what its like to break promises to ourselves and others, to be jailed or hospitalised because of our actions. Some of us actually know what it is like to be abused either at a younger age or by our current partners, it often takes two to tango and when we fall into toxic and codependant relationships sometimes we can both play a role in the violence and abuse that is occurring in our homes, but we cannot continue to blame others for our actions or for causing and contributing to our actions for the rest of our lives, they are our actions and we own them. We are not professional therapists. Our only qualification for helping others to recover from domestic violence is that we have stopped perpetraing or escaped toxic and violent relationships ourselves. We provide a safe space, somewhere you can vent, talk about how your partner has provoked you or how upset you are with the judge for taking your kids away, a safe and supportive environment to let out some tears and anger, among those that have been there and understand what you are going through and come out the other side, perhaps even those of us that have spent time in custody and lost families, some of us that provide a 'this is what happens if you dont do something' point of view. As your peers we are able to mentor and guide you through the hurdles, provide you with advice about your new DVO orders and conditions. As a group we provide sponsors, those of us willing to go the extra mile and check in with you every few days, pick you up for a meeting or a friend to share a beer. When you attend DVA you are not alone anymore. We are living proof that recovery is possible – we’ve done it.
Why do people keep going to meetings after the court matters have finished?Some of us just grow to love the comraderie and the space to talk about bloke stuff, others get a sense of fulfilment out of sharing their story and helping others, a sense of giving back to the group that 'saved' them once upon a time. The reason is different for all of us because we are all different. For a lot of us we feel as though we cant connect with others or cant tell our friends and family about our deep dark and violent secrets, its unhealthy for us to bottle these things up so the group provides that outlet for us. A place where we can be truly open without judgement or critiscism.
How do I join DVA?You already joined. Its FREE, you can come and go as you please. You can tell people or keep it a secret, its really up to you. The only requirement is wanting to change and live a happier, healthier life.
How much does DVA cost?There are fees for DVA. Each DVA group is different however and some may ask for a gold coin donation or some sort of contribution to cover the costs of the space, reading materials and coffee or snacks. It is going to dependant on the facilitator themselves, the person who organises your local group. If you have any suggestions or alternatives you can discuss that with them personally and if you would like to start your own group in a new location you can do that also.
Is DVA a religious organization?No. Some members may very well be religious, some members may be police officers, school teachers, black, yellow or white people. Domestic Violence and family violence does not discriminate and neither do we. Everybody is welcome.
Can I bring a family member or friend to an AA meeting?Family members or close friends are welcome at group meetings if you feel comfortable with that, be sure to give them a heads up about the anonymity rules though, everyone you bring along must remain respectful and do the right thing. It is however not always a good idea to bring partners or members of your family that you are having disputes with as it will hinder your ability to talk freely and may cause tension between you depending on the particular situation. So please, be sensible and thoughtful when deciding to bring others to the group meetings.
What advice do you give new members?In our experience, the people who recover after DVA are those who:attend regular DVA meetings,seek out the people in DVA that present as good role models or sponsors, those that have successfully changed their habits and negative behaviours,put into practice the simple principles of DVA,and take things one day at a time. How can I contact DVA?You can try 'googling' DVA, followed with your suburb, use the contact us page on this website or go to 'finding a group' also on this website.
Is there more information available about DVA?Yes, we are continually working on more information and resources. Why is Domestic Violence Anonymous currently hosted on Shane Cuthbert's website As a not for profit which aims to reduce as many operating costs as possible this makes perfect sense, we are able to save on web hosting fees, advertising and even the creation of the entire website was created for us free of charge. Shane Cuthbert is an advocate of Domestic Violence Anonymous, as the founder he has worked very hard to bring awareness to our group. For those of you unfamiliar with Shane's story you can read more about it here, google him, or hear about it in person if you are able to attend the Cairns group he runs. Shane's personal story and relationship with domestic violence has been covered by the media and is well documented. Shane recieved a lot of hate and abuse becuase of the media coverage and suffered some horrific trauma and treatment whilst in custody. For this reason, Shane is no longer scared of being labelled or recognised in public and goes above and beyond to raise awareness to the issue of domestic violence and the support we offer at DVA.
What can I do if I am worried about my violence?We would recommend you come to a meeting or atleast make contact someone at DVA and talk about your problem. There is also a range of other services available through the police and courts however, if you feel uncomfortable speaking with them then be sure to contact us.
What is Domestic Violence Anonymous?We are a group of like minded men that have experienced domestic violence from partners, have inflicted abuse on our families and have sought help in order to change. Many of us have completed community based orders, programs and courses and learnt skills around changing our behaviours and wanted to continue working on ourselves in a safe, supportive, non judgemental environment. We are all focused on achieveing a better, happier, healthier future for ourselves and others and DVA is a place for us to find support and hear from other people going through the same things and those that have overcome them and changed.
If I go to a DVA meeting, am i committed to anything?No one is making you attend, we dont keep records, and we dont even have to know your name if you dont want to share. One of our keys to success is our anonymity, if it was no longer anonymous, people would not attend, you dont want your friends, co-workers, customers or your boss knowing you attend our meetings do you? You can reveal as much about yourself as you feel comfortable in doing and no more is required. No one will be knocking on your door or calling you if you choose not to comeback.
What happens if I meet people I know?They will be there for the same reason you are. DVA is based on anonymity and does not disclose your identity to outsiders or even others inside the group. You retain as much anonymity as you wish. If you recognise someone that you know and feel uncomfortable about it, you can have a chat with them. This is something that happens sometimes and usually both parties agree to keep things quiet. Infact, most courses and programs that focus on domestic violence actually have rules that prohibit attendees from approaching others in the group or mentioning how they know one another outside of the safe space.
What happens at an DVA meeting?A DVA meeting may take place in several different ways. in each and every meeting though, you will find people talking about domestic and family violence and what it has done to their lives. You will often hear from people discussing their personal stories of abuse and how they have learned to overcome that, and how they are living their lives today.
How does going to a meeting help me with my problems?All of us in DVA know what it is like to experience violence, abuse and the stresses of life. We know what its like to break promises to ourselves and others, to be jailed or hospitalised because of our actions. Some of us actually know what it is like to be abused either at a younger age or by our current partners, it often takes two to tango and when we fall into toxic and codependant relationships sometimes we can both play a role in the violence and abuse that is occurring in our homes, but we cannot continue to blame others for our actions or for causing and contributing to our actions for the rest of our lives, they are our actions and we own them. We are not professional therapists. Our only qualification for helping others to recover from domestic violence is that we have stopped perpetraing or escaped toxic and violent relationships ourselves. We provide a safe space, somewhere you can vent, talk about how your partner has provoked you or how upset you are with the judge for taking your kids away, a safe and supportive environment to let out some tears and anger, among those that have been there and understand what you are going through and come out the other side, perhaps even those of us that have spent time in custody and lost families, some of us that provide a 'this is what happens if you dont do something' point of view. As your peers we are able to mentor and guide you through the hurdles, provide you with advice about your new DVO orders and conditions. As a group we provide sponsors, those of us willing to go the extra mile and check in with you every few days, pick you up for a meeting or a friend to share a beer. When you attend DVA you are not alone anymore. We are living proof that recovery is possible – we’ve done it.
Why do people keep going to meetings after the court matters have finished?Some of us just grow to love the comraderie and the space to talk about bloke stuff, others get a sense of fulfilment out of sharing their story and helping others, a sense of giving back to the group that 'saved' them once upon a time. The reason is different for all of us because we are all different. For a lot of us we feel as though we cant connect with others or cant tell our friends and family about our deep dark and violent secrets, its unhealthy for us to bottle these things up so the group provides that outlet for us. A place where we can be truly open without judgement or critiscism.
How do I join DVA?You already joined. Its FREE, you can come and go as you please. You can tell people or keep it a secret, its really up to you. The only requirement is wanting to change and live a happier, healthier life.
How much does DVA cost?There are fees for DVA. Each DVA group is different however and some may ask for a gold coin donation or some sort of contribution to cover the costs of the space, reading materials and coffee or snacks. It is going to dependant on the facilitator themselves, the person who organises your local group. If you have any suggestions or alternatives you can discuss that with them personally and if you would like to start your own group in a new location you can do that also.
Is DVA a religious organization?No. Some members may very well be religious, some members may be police officers, school teachers, black, yellow or white people. Domestic Violence and family violence does not discriminate and neither do we. Everybody is welcome.
Can I bring a family member or friend to an AA meeting?Family members or close friends are welcome at group meetings if you feel comfortable with that, be sure to give them a heads up about the anonymity rules though, everyone you bring along must remain respectful and do the right thing. It is however not always a good idea to bring partners or members of your family that you are having disputes with as it will hinder your ability to talk freely and may cause tension between you depending on the particular situation. So please, be sensible and thoughtful when deciding to bring others to the group meetings.
What advice do you give new members?In our experience, the people who recover after DVA are those who:attend regular DVA meetings,seek out the people in DVA that present as good role models or sponsors, those that have successfully changed their habits and negative behaviours,put into practice the simple principles of DVA,and take things one day at a time. How can I contact DVA?You can try 'googling' DVA, followed with your suburb, use the contact us page on this website or go to 'finding a group' also on this website.
Is there more information available about DVA?Yes, we are continually working on more information and resources. Why is Domestic Violence Anonymous currently hosted on Shane Cuthbert's website As a not for profit which aims to reduce as many operating costs as possible this makes perfect sense, we are able to save on web hosting fees, advertising and even the creation of the entire website was created for us free of charge. Shane Cuthbert is an advocate of Domestic Violence Anonymous, as the founder he has worked very hard to bring awareness to our group. For those of you unfamiliar with Shane's story you can read more about it here, google him, or hear about it in person if you are able to attend the Cairns group he runs. Shane's personal story and relationship with domestic violence has been covered by the media and is well documented. Shane recieved a lot of hate and abuse becuase of the media coverage and suffered some horrific trauma and treatment whilst in custody. For this reason, Shane is no longer scared of being labelled or recognised in public and goes above and beyond to raise awareness to the issue of domestic violence and the support we offer at DVA.